Thursday, August 12, 2010

Vampire ABCs

Okay - LAST CHANCE to enter my super-amazing-most fabulous contest. Time's up tomorrow. And you actually have a good shot at winning as things stand right now...


The paranormal audience is getting younger by the minute and so I thought, why not teach them everything they need to know early on? Say… Kindergarten? And though, I am typically a Young Adult author, I thought I would give a shot at the whole Picture Book audience. Little girls should know early on the dangers of dating vampires. So here goes –

A is for Abs, absolutely a must,

how else can a vampire earn a girl’s trust?

B is for blood, gooey and red,

all over your clothes and your shoes and the bed.

C is for coffin, a small place to sleep,

in the night if you’re near one, don’t make a peep.

D is for dead, have I mentioned that part?

You’ll never hear beating come from his heart.

E is for Exorcist, who in this case won’t work.

He isn’t possessed, just a bloodsucking jerk.

F is for fangs cause you know they are hot.

You love showing off those tiny red dots.

G is for gorgeous, remember the abs?

so beautiful you don’t care who he grabs.

H is for hollow, he’s empty inside,

You never should’ve asked him to confide.

I is for idiot, the girl that he dates,

He isn’t actually looking for an immortal mate.

J is for jugular, juicy and sweet,

he's looking at yours, can you feel the heat?

K is for kiss, which you wish he would give.

Unfortunately for you, you probably won’t live.

L is for love, which you think you are in,

when it’s probably lust, love’s closest of kin.

M is for muscle, no wait that’s wrong.

It’s werewolves’ who’s show, though both are quite strong.

N is for noble, you wish that he were.

He’s misunderstood of that you are sure.

O is for ogle, you can’t help yourself.

You wish you could put him up on your shelf.

P is for painful, but which part is it?

That he's just not that great or that you just got bit?

Q is for queen, that’s how he makes you feel,

too bad for you, it just isn’t real.

R is for ripped, oops once again-

that is werewolves, sorry my friend.

S is for sparkle out in the sun.

Okay so not all, maybe just one.

T is for terror he used to instill,

hard to find now no matter whom he might kill.

U is for undead, he’s a corpse, you recall?

Sorry for the buzz kill but come on y’all.

V is for vampire, obvious I know,

but I’ve still got four letters to go!

W is for werewolf as I’ve mentioned before,

guess that’s the sequel for those who want more.

X is for xylophone because that’s what it’s for,

not sure I could find much of anything more.

Y is for yummy, even I can’t deny,

You don’t have to jump him just cause he catches your eye.

Z is for zoo, the crowd he creates,

all the wild animals looking for dates.

SO, what do you think? Do I have a blooming career as a PB author? Or should I stick to YA? He he he.


  1. He he! I totes would buy this! Your artist friend should have made you pictures to go along with this. :)

    New follower here. *waves*


  2. Welcome Lola!! I love your name. Glad you liked it and glad you found me. *waves back* :D

  3. Loving the ABCs, Lisa! Too funny. Rhyming is not easy. It's only for the brave in the PB community. I can't count myself as a decent poet, but you seem to have a natural gift :) Thanks for the great post!


  4. I love this Lisa, it's so clever!

  5. Marissa - thanks! I know, that's a no no. But the ezine community is little more accepting. That's actually how I got my first publication. Not the vampire one mind you! No! It was called ODE TO MUD. Lots of fun.

    Kelly - Woohoo! I'm clever! Yeah me! Thanks. :)

  6. This is so great I really would read it to my kids, except I don't think they'd get it yet - but I did forward to my fifteen year old stepdaughter who got me started on Twilight a few years ago - really she got me hooked on all things paranormal. Any Twihard or Twihater will LOVE THIS! (ps. I just posted my why I love werewolves for your contest!)

  7. Margo - thanks! I hope your stepdaughter enjoys it. I love writing stuff like that. Too much fun. I might cross post on Undead Poets Society..

  8. hahaha that's AWESOME, lisa! great work!!

  9. Thanks, Tahereh. If you think it's awesome, it must be! ;)

  10. Oh my gosh this was too funny!!! I loved it... could you make me a poster? I'd love to have a poster of it.


  11. That was AWESOME! *clicks over to Twitter*

  12. Jen - Wow! Maybe I can sell tshirts and mugs too.. Hmm. :D Kidding! But thanks for the compliment.

    Julie - Thanks. Glad you liked it.

  13. X is for xylophone. Love it.

  14. I think you're ready to branch out, Lisa! The PB publishers are waiting. :-)

  15. LOL, it certainly hasn't been done before!

  16. Ahhhh... I love it!!! It's so perfect!

  17. of this can be printed on T-shirts, or wait, why not the whole thing?

    :) hilarious, love it!

  18. Damyanti - thanks! Glad you joined us. Hmm, might be a long T, but hey!

  19. OMG! I laughed so hard!!! I can see the illustrations in my head, I'm thinking Mo Willems or Jan Brett as illustrator. I double dog dare you to send this to Tricycle Press as a potential PB...hee hee! You are so creative to come up with this. Thx for the laugh and the snorts :)

  20. Slushpile!! Hey girl! Glad you stopped by to visit. I'm so tempted, but I wonder if my agent would kill me.. :D

  21. That was hysterical, thanks for sharing! ;)

  22. That was priceless! Thank you for sharing!

  23. Wow! How wonderfully funny. Lovely rhythm too!