Thursday, May 6, 2010

Caring for Your Werewolf

Is your werewolf listless? Does he refuse to howl at the moon? Does he only half-heartedly sit with his head on his paws when the neighbor's cat walks by?

If you've answered yes to any of these questions, your werewolf may be bored and there's nothing worse than a bored werewolf on a full moon. Lets face it, immortality can be tough. How many episodes of Jeopardy can you watch in a lifetime?

So what to do with a bored werwolf? Well, try putting a little spark back into his day. Here are some suggestions for activities werewolves love:

1. Hunting
Give a treat to say you care. Catch a zombie (not hard to do since they're stupid), give the zombie a thirty second head start and let your werewolf loose. Make sure there aren't any innocent bystanders too close when you do this though, or it could get messy.

2. Take him for a walk
What animal doesn't love a good walk. Make sure you put on your hiking shoes though! That terrain can be rough. Last time I did this with a werewolf I ended up with a broken arm and two bruised ribs. Oh the memories!

3. Give him a chew toy
Does he shred through normal toys too quickly? Try a garden gnome! They're made of tough stuff. Don't pick a real gnome by mistake, however. That wouldn't entertain for more than ten seconds and it would leave an awful mess.

4. Watch New Moon with him
Then give him one of those big cardboard cutouts of Edward so he can go to town.

Surely one one of these activities will be enough to break him (or her) out of this melancholy mood. Too many people adopt a werewolf thinking it's all fun and games, but the truth is they are a lot of work. You need to care for your werewolf and keep him happy. Too many are abandoned only to breed and attack at the next full moon. So be a responsible owner, please!

22 comments:

  1. My werewolf has been very cranky recently. The only time he smiles is when we watch the Riff Trax version of Twilight (if you haven't seen it, you must - it's hilarious!) I'll have to try out some of your tips! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so glad this was helpful to you, Anna. Let me know, if he doesn't respond to these suggestion, it could be serious.

    I'll have to check out the Riff Trax Twilight...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, excellent advice. I will keep it in mind. Although my werewolf is a bit hyperactive and finds the slightest thing entertaining. Any advice for how to make a werewolf sit still? Also wouldn't mind some tips on how to keep the werewolf from biting the postman.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Excellent questions, Carolina! As far as the mailman, I'm afraid he knows that is part of his job. Something like forty percent of all mailmen are actually werewolves.
    Hyperactive werewolf, huh? Maybe he doesn't get enough exercise. at least your life isn't dull.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I would let him watch New Moon, but then he would fall asleep! I like this idea of chasing Zombies. Are we talking George Romero gut munchers or the Zack Snyder speedy runner types? Those Romero ones need like a good month head start.

    ReplyDelete
  6. D.M. You might need to start with something easy like Romero Zombies, just to get his confidence up, but then I'd switch it up a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Just the things to perk up my poor little buddy. He's been listless. I'll have to check out the back yard for a fresh zombie :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Werewolves maybe difficult, but weremonkeys are downright impossible. Stupid poo throwers.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jemi, Zombies can be hard to find, but well worth the effort.

    Christi, that's why you don't see many domesticated

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'll turn in to a werewolf if I don't get off this computer and get my research done!!! Arrrgh!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Haha, great post! Oh the image I get of a werewolf and a squeaky chew toy...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Angela - yes! Nothing better than a happy werewolf.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bahaha! I'm not a dog person, but I'll take one of those, as long as he's not too bored. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Susan, they are a bit high maintenance, but well worth it in the end. As long as you're not allergic.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi Lisa, I have a little something for you over at my blog. Happy Mother's Day!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hilarious. I'd love to see your pet werewolf go to town on R. Pattz. Start with the hair buddy!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yikes! How do I know which one of you is commenting? Lisa (love the name btw) or Laura??? :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. LOL! Yes, this was awesome! Cardboard cutout, sweet! I just can't stop laughing!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Heather, thanks for the kudos! I'm just glad I could make you laugh. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. What do you do if your werewolf chokes on your garden gnome?

    ReplyDelete