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I often joke around about the teetering monster made of dirty clothes on the floor in my laundry room. Okay, maybe it isn't a joke so much as reality. Shameful admission time: I suck at house work. I'd much prefer sitting in front of my computer tweeting, blogging, or just plain writing. If I'm not in front of the computer chances are I have my Kindle or a book stashed nearby.
Oh yeah and I have a family.
Funny? Not really. As amazing and forgiving as they are, I know I tend to get so wrapped up in my own little world that I am sometimes neglectful.
The following is a dramatization. Maybe.
Kid: "Mommy I'm hungry!"
Me: "Go get a snack." *types*
Kid: "Mommy I don't have any clean clothes!" (See what I mean about the laundry?)
Me: "Re-wear something." *continues typing*
Kid: "Mommy the house is burning down."
Me: "Shh! I just have to finish this scene." *types feverishly*
Well okay, if the house were burning down I'm sure I'd do something about it. But you get the idea.
Often times we hear people say they don't have time to write. But is the opposite true as well? Can you write too much? I may be an example of just that. So what should I do about it? Here's my plan:
- Shut the computer when the kids get home until they're in bed.
- Keep a detailed schedule that I refer back to often (like I used to do at my "day" job) to make sure I don't miss anything important in the real world.
- Teach the kids to do their own laundry. - Well okay maybe that's just wishful thinking.
So tell me, what balance issues do you have? Online vs. writing time? Family vs. writing? And what plan can you use to make it better? Perhaps if we keep each other accountable it will help us remain on track.
It's always tough. With summer coming, I hope to finish this draft so I can spend the rest of June and July letting it rest. I'll read at night and at the beach. And I'll brainstorming. But I def. lower my expectations! It's never easy. :)
ReplyDeleteDang, Lisa. You hit the wrench in the gears right on the head. We can't stop living. Life feeds writing, not the other way around. I've struggled with this too. It's all about finding the balance.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm home family comes first, then healing bookings, events, and writing. I fit blog posts and social media in when I can. I have man chores to do and cook for M most days. I have to love everyone because they support me and I'm away a fair bit. I'm not good keeping to a schedule, but I seem to get more done when I'm busier with work. It all balances out. Family first because they support me.
ReplyDeleteBeing that the kids are older, I have plenty of time for writing. My wife will read or watch a movie in the next room while I'm typing away. It works, we're happy.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I can't write at home. However, mom did recently teach oldest to do her own laundry. She is 15 though.
ReplyDeleteI definitely feel guilty about trying to sneak in computer time during my toddler's meals, etc. I try to stay off the computer when my hubby comes homes, but sometimes awesome Live Chats (thank you WriteOnCon) get first dibs. My problem is that I can't stay up late after my children go to sleep. I'm just not a night person at all, and if I didn't get sleep, I wouldn't be able to function. So I sneak in writing whenever I can. I really need to make a schedule :)
ReplyDeleteOMG that is so funny! And true. But really funny.
ReplyDeleteI do 90% of my work before the kids get home from school. And I turn off Twitter when I'm writing, otherwise I'd never get anything accomplished. Once the kids are home, if they've gone off and are doing their own thing, then I'll open up the computer and visit some blogs. So far, it's working.
Today is cleaning house day for me, but I'll still be peeking at Twitter and emails. It's my drug!
Yay! I suck at housework too! I'm decent at laundry, but my kids don't seem to have as many clothes as everyone else, so I have to keep up with the laundry or they will have nothing to wear and I will get arrested. Great motivation! The rest of the housework, however, meh.
ReplyDelete-Vicki
Laura - Sigh. Summer is the hardest! But I'm also looking forward to spending more time with the munchkins.
ReplyDeleteMisty - Yeah, but sometimes I feel like that elephant.
Simon - so beautifully said. Except the whole "man chores" thing. That scares me. LOL! Kidding!! :D
Charlie - lucky!! he he. My hubby doesn't mind either. He's cool like that. But we've been together a LONG time.
Matthew - Hey! That's still YEARS away! *shakes fist*
Jess - It's hard when they are that little! I personally commend you for being able to do it at all.
Julie - Hey! Don't be telling them it's true!! I have to have an air of mystery here!! :P LOL I'm sure I'll be emailing/tweeting you later!!
Vicki - Yeah!!! A fellow house-work sucker. Uh I said that wrong, didn't I? he he he.
For me, with housework...it's not that I suck at it....I just don't want to do it! My husband's been pretty good about picking up that slack.... even on days when I would like to get some type of cleaning done, I don't because my brain decides to be incredibly creative in that moment.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby & I currently don't have children (though we will someday in the near future), but I'm still struggling with the balance at home.
I work 40+ hours/week at an insurance company. When I come home, I either want to write, or dive into a book (and sometimes both!). He knows that if I'm not doing either one of these, then I'm not too happy.
We rarely spend time together during the week, which is where I need to find the balance at. Yes, we have weekends together, but some weeks you need more than that (especially when we're visiting our families on the weekends!).
I plan on NOT writing or reading during the week UNTIL at least 7:30 or 8p (vs. 6p), then switch from ONE of those around 10 to check Twitter, Facebook, etc. Hopefully, I'll be able to do this and still get to bed at a decent hour. *crosses fingers*
I do hope this will help balance everything out in my life. If it doesn't, then I'm in some deep poo-poo when we have a family of our own!
Melinda - just remember we're all here and we totally GET it. So if you get frustrated check in and find inspiration to keep going. You will figure it out. And hopefully so will I!!!
ReplyDeleteLisa--I've blogged before about how I haven't seen the bottom of my laundry basket in ages. My youngest isn't in school yet, so I don't write at all during the day, but check email and blogs when I get a chance. I usually have from 9-11p at night for writing, but hope to write during the day once both kids are in school. I love the elephant pic!
ReplyDeleteI always commend writing mothers.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough balancing act. Kids vs. writing because both of them are your "babies."
For me, it's balancing my writing time with the people I love. You want to also carve out time for the ones you love too.
I find doing chores at the completion of a chapter is a great way to let your mind wander and review things in your head to workout plot issues. Also, there's nothing like doing dishes to really build the urge to run back to the computer and type again. Plus your fingers will be all warmed up and ready to go.
ReplyDeleteKristi - it's tough to find time. But I suppose we HAVE to.
ReplyDeleteKaren - you are very right. The ones we love deserve our time and attention.
Timothy - That's actually a really good point! And a great motivator to attack that laundry pile. Maybe.
Urgh. Argh. Balancing family, friends, and writing (whether that means the wip, blogs, tweeting, or commenting on blogs) is HARD! Surrounding myself with people who "get" my writing life plus making sure the computer screen doesn't swallow me completely is key. Remembering that my kids grow and change each day, and that I CANNOT miss that, pulls me out of the screen too. A husband who totally gets it is essential.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Really well timed.
ReplyDeleteI'm a research scientist by "day" and spend almost every spare hour writing papers, getting data, or writing proposals for more money to do the first two (publish or perish). Sometimes I only get to write for a few spare minutes a day and never really long blocks of time. But I try to set up regular breaks where I can grab a quick coffee and read a blog post or two/catch up on my Twitter feed.
One of my biggest challenges is making myself write. Sometimes I feel like I spend more time reading about writing than actually doing it. I think I might follow Julie's advice and turn off Twitter and the rest of the internet when I have a few minutes spare.
I don't have kids yet, I'm not sure where I'd fit them in. I worship at the alter of all the Mums/Dads that juggle a million different things. You guys are my heroes.
But I LOVE housework because it's the only time I listen to audiobooks :) and I'm slightly in love with my Dyson ball (if you have one you'll understand).
How weird, Lisa! I wrote a short blog post today about writing in the middle of a tornado warning. But USUALLY I do turn off the computer when the kiddos get home from school and only turn it back on in the evening if there is some down time. But I think that's a great schedule. I do find that I feel constantly rushed, but I think a lot of people trying to raise kids and have a career feel that way.
ReplyDeleteAnd last night I told them all that there was no way I was cooking during a tornado.
Be careful of that laundry...
I posted about this same thing a few weeks ago. It's so hard to find that balance between everything in life, but the biggest thing I learned is that balance isn't something I'm going to just "find" one day, and it'll be good. I'm constantly having to balance out each day, and some days are heavier on one side than the other. And that's okay! As long as I'm not tipped in one direction too long, I can make it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts on this-- it's always good to have that, "Me too!" feeling. :)
Barbara - absolutely. When I inevitably forget I was supposed to do something kid related the guilt is unbelievable. That's actually what prompted this post. So my solution? Be proactive about it!!
ReplyDeleteJemma - Ha! You scientisty types all like audiobooks!! My hubby included. He won't read anything fictional these days, but he'll listen to it!
Kristen - Yikes! Picture dorothy's house and the witch flying outside your window as you type furiously... That's my picture right now. He he he.
Shallee - That's what I love about our community! That we all "get" it. We have similar feelings, even when we think those feelings are weird.
It is certainly possible to get swept away in writing but if you treat it like a job with normal business hours than you can still lock things in without overburdening yourself. Even if you stray outside those times on occasion.
ReplyDeletePW - That's exactly what I try to do - treat it like a job. It's just difficult to pull away sometimes. :D
ReplyDeleteSchool versus writing, definitely. I don't know how on earth to balance it, but one of my friends helped me color code my life once, where each hour in the day was marked out. Of course it's impossible to always stick to that schedule, but it helped. A lot.
ReplyDeleteBethany - see? That's what I'm afraid of. That I won't stick to it! But I will just have to MAKE myself.
ReplyDeleteSee, I am so totally and completely in awe of parents who write. I barely have time to hang with my husband because I'm constantly working on my WIP. Or at least trying to. I can't find balance, and I have NO excuse. I am *trying* to get on a better schedule. Like write from 9-5 and then spend time with my husband when he gets home from work, but it's hard. Because I really think writers are working 24/7, even when not sitting at the actual computer. Yanno?
ReplyDeleteSara - OH I so totally DO know!! I swear sometimes I'm a complete ditz because my brain is mostly occupied with working out plot issues or something.
ReplyDeleteOh, how I relate! By the time Ba.D. gets home most evenings, I've just laid the little one down and am gearing up to write. I end up only half-listening to him in favor of writing (mostly comments in the evening, but still). Part of our trip to Disneyland was my realizing I need to actually be with him for some part of each day. I think this means I have to set aside actual time to be on my computer as well as time to be with him, every day. Even if it's just 10 minutes a go.
ReplyDeleteThis won't be an issue for the next couple of weeks, since he's working on a movie--which means he's only home 7-8 hours a day, and that for sleep!
Oh, man, Lisa--I feel like this post was aimed straight at me. I haven't figured it out yet, but turning off the computer and just being present is really where I should start.
ReplyDeleteI'm still figuring it out as well - but at least I've taught The Dude how to open a can, so he'll be getting his own dinners soon :-D
ReplyDeleteMy mom made me do my own laudry when I turned 12 (Happy B-Day present!). I remember making my own lunch as a kid too, and I liked putting celery and carrots in there. I don't have kids yet, but those rules will apply to them. My husband makes his own lunch, and I'm working on the laundry going into the basket, not the floor a foot away part.I write when my brain cooperates. : )
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! You just described MY life, my struggles, my fears of neglecting my family because of my writing obsession. It's so nice to know I'M NOT ALONE!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy issue is balancing work and writing. My own kids are launched, even though I still get the "what are we having for dinner" question from my 19 year old. I admit to neglecting papers that need to be graded at school for my writing. I've had to discipline myself to grade at lunch time so I'm free to write in the evenings.
ReplyDeleteDeb - I hope you make good use of the time he's working!!
ReplyDeleteSarah - that's because I stalk you. Not really. Probably not. He he he. Just BE PRESENT.
Ebony - you should write a book. How to train the DUDE. LOL
Bekah - when you have kids, let me know if the plan works out. I will personally give you an award. :D I think that's awesome. Tomorrow I tell my 12 yr. old he's on his own. He he he. KIDDING!!
Tanya - I'm so glad!!! :D See? We writers think alike.
Leslie - Yeah, and that's not even counting that crazy critique partner of yours that won't stop emailing you and stuff. And no I'm not talking about Julie...
Lisa, are you looking in the windows at my house?!? It's amazing how independent your kids can get when you get caught up in your writing. And I did recently teach them to do their own laundry (mine are teens, though)! Balance is difficult when you're totally obsessed with your story. :-)
ReplyDeleteI am a full time corporate employee, wife, mother of three and novelist. It is definitely a challenge to balance it all out. One of the things I do (and it is not much) is that my 'desk' is my couch. So I am still apart of everything even if I am writing an article at the same time. The computer closes at 9 PM for time with the hubby. I also get up at 5 AM so I can write until 8 AM and then start the Day Job. I fit everything in here and there. I have deadlines and expectations. It helps that my kids are not babies, my oldest is 16 and my youngest is 6. They don't really want to hang with me. My WONDERFUL husband does the laundry, dishes and cooking (I am a horrid cook) He is a stay at home Dad and I am the bread-winner. It is what it is. We have our challenges but it works. Thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds exactly like me. Lol! The result is two incredibly self-sufficient little girls. When my small one goes to kindergarten, I won't know what to do with myself.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest isn't in school yet--she just turned four--so she's home 24/7. It makes it difficult but we manage. I write while she plays next to me in the back yard, or while she watches TV, or colors pictures. It was easier when she was very small and slept for 18 hours a day. >_<
That is so my life.
ReplyDeleteAnd I do all those things now (I'm getting better): making sure I don't try to write/blog/read during that "after school" time when the kids need my full-on attention; making extensive lists to make sure stuff doesn't fall through the cracks, because seriously? My head is full of them.
And kids can absolutely do their own laundry. (Life skills! This is what I call the stuff I want the kids to do, so I don't have to) My eight year old knows how to run the washing machine, hang up his clothes, and put his fold-ables in drawers (not necessarily folded). The older ones have been doing it for a couple years, and it makes a HUGE difference. (Of course, there are still times when THEY don't do the laundry. Probably my bad example.) :)
Susan - Wait! Who told you??? Uh, I mean NO I don't look in your windows... He he he. Seriously I think we all have these issues. We're all writers, right? ;D
ReplyDeleteAmy - WOW. That's quite the balancing act. How much do you have to pay for a hubby that stays home and does all that?? LOL! I "stay home" and STILL can't do it. Or maybe won't is a better word. He he.
Lacey - that is TOUGH. I admire you for being able to do that. At least mine are in school. Though Summer is pretty much here...
Susan - He. Cracks in your head. Me too!!! Even when I don't have the computer open, I'm usually distracted inside. Good for you for teaching your kids to do laundry that young!!! I need a lesson.
LOL! Yep, I totally would let the house burn down to get that last scene done. Okay maybe not, but sometimes it feels that way. I do have trouble balancing sometimes, especially after a long winter of tons of writing and online time. I love your idea of setting a schedule. I'm going to try that!
ReplyDeleteHeather - Let's hope it works for both of us!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I am not the only one who sucks at housework. I *think* my family understands. It's not like I ever said I was good at it and really wanted to be a housekeeper when I grew up. I know my kids and their friends think I am nuts, b/c I am always in front of teh computer and the other moms have clean houses, but someday they'll understand :) They have figured out that asking me to read to them is always a good way to get my attention!
ReplyDeleteI am looking forward to summer break b/c getting them up, to school and running around with activities takes up SOO much time. I plan on letting them sleep in while I work in peace, and encouraging lots of outside "picnics" that mean less dishes.
PS: Laundry is the 5th Circle of Writer Mom Hell. I saw the bottom of my basket earlier. For a minute.
Jan - that's amazing!! I thought it was bottomless... Good plan for Summer, except in my case the kids get up early and I'm the one who wants to sleep in!!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLOL. My number one reason I have no kids is that I don't want to get off the internet. (That and I am still in law school and have no one to father said children. But those are ancillary reasons.) ;) Schedules are a great idea. And maybe you CAN teach the kids to do their own laundry. Or how to use Febreeze. Good luck with the summer balance.
ReplyDeleteHouse - LOL! Febreeze!!! I love it! :D Good luck with Law school. A worthy endeavor I would never dare embark on.
ReplyDeleteOh my, that is the exact description of my life too!!! In fact at work I have to unplug the internet and NOT bring my WiP on my flash drive just to ensure work really gets done. I have tried to do the "no computer" thing until the kids are in bed, too. Somedays... more successful than others in that regard! Now, since you brought laundry up, it does seem reasonable that a 9 year old could be trained to do laundry, right? It's basically a five step process: collect, sort, wash, dry, put away. (notice I skip the folding step. Too many steps, even for an adult). But WHY does my 9 year old not get this simple 5 step process??? Grin...
ReplyDeleteMargo - now my head hurts. Laundry is far too complicated.
ReplyDeleteYou sound EXACTLY like me, Lisa.
ReplyDeleteI'm still bad at going back on the computer when the kids get home (to catch up on my blogging) while they do other things. I'm trying to finish editing my wip before the end of the month so that I can forget about it while it's out with beta readers (and I can spend more time with the kids). :D
Stina - it seems like every time I get to that point something comes up that I have to work on! LOL and when I DO have time, I'm chewing my nails. Well, actually reading or something. He.
ReplyDeleteBoy, your post sure brings back memories of when my kids were young and I worked as a court reporter, doing most of the transcribing and proofing at home. They were always wanting something. I named the laundry room Mount Laundry. I'm not organized so it was always a challenge. But you have a great idea there by having the kids do their own laundry, if they're 10 or older. That's what we did - well, some of the time. I had my son fold all the laundry. He'd just roll them up into a ball, and I was too tired to even care. The girls helped with the dishes. I could have had them all take turns, but making a schedule and policing it was just another chore I didn't want. So, balance? I have no answers.Just have to do the best you can. I know things seem crazy for you now, but looking back, the kids grew up so fast. Seems like in the blink of an eye. All I can say is cherish every minute. It's a special time in your lives when you're all living under one roof as a family. It won't always be so. They'll be flying the coop in no time.
ReplyDeleteLyn - now I'm just sad. You're right though, and I'm worried I'm letting precious moments slip through my fingers. I can only hope the simple fact that I'm worried means I'm probably doing okay. :D We did have some fun today! So that's a start. Though the laundry's still glaring at me.
ReplyDeleteComing back for a second bite of this cherry,
ReplyDeletemy husband does his own ironing. Since we moved house, I don't even know where he keeps the iron, hahahhaha.
But also - yes, we adore our kids. It's always going to be a balancing act. There are lovely quality times, like yesterday when we walked through dry Autumn leaves, or the day before when his wobbly tooth came out while eating his breakfast. I think perhaps women stress more about whether they're doing enough or spending enough time. You could spend every moment with the kids and it wouldn't be enough.
So I adore the time I do have with The Dude and my long suffering hubbs, and and embrace the selfish part of me that simply has to write. After all, if I don't write, there will be no retirement fund! My husband can't keep saving the world forever, you know. (ooops, I may have said too much).
Ebony - ooh it's a cherry!! :P You're very right. I justify the same way, that if I don't get my writing in, I'm not a fun person to be around anyway!! Plus, we do spend time with them. You never know when those special moments will be born.
ReplyDeleteHa! Balancing is what my life is all about. I usually laundry at night, after everyone's in bed. The machines create a lovely white noise for me to write by and I'm forced to stay awake to get the next load in. If I do nod off and don't get the job done, I opt for the "re-wear something."
ReplyDeleteThen there's the never-complete chore of grocery shopping! My common expression is, "OMG, where did all the milk go?" And it's not like I have a handy store nearby. Going to the store requires a commitment of time and travel. Maybe I should start writing paranormal and learn how to link those two better. If I could time-travel, I might get a leg up on all I want/need to do.
Lee - I think what you're looking for there is more like sci-fi. But that's okay, we still love you. ;D He he, plus you're probably tired from staying up so late doing laundry and writing.
ReplyDeleteI find it challenging to balance the day job with writing, spending time with my husband, and other things like cleaning, cooking, laundry...the list goes on. It's hard sometimes! I try to schedule my week out ahead of time and steal time to write whenever I can. :)
ReplyDeleteGhenet - scheduling is great - if you can stick to it! I hope that will work for me. I'm not the most self-disciplined when it comes to housework. Writing, YES. Laundry? Not so much...
ReplyDeleteBalance is really not the case for me. if it wasn't for breaks at my job, my writing would be prehistorically slow...think chisled on a cave wall speed. At times I just shut everything down related to writing so I am not thinking about it when life requires my attention elsewhere. I've over-booked my abilities with my projects, but hey, why dive in if you're afraid of how deep the water is (or isn't!) Plus I won't give up what little time I get to fly fish. Balance...more like juggling. But at least that fits the circus atmosphere of the world I choose to live. ;-)
ReplyDelete