Interview with a Mermaid

Today I have with me my friend Shelly (her parents had a terrible sense of humor). Shelly is a mermaid. She is 17 years old and goes to school in Santa Clarita California. Since you can't see her, let me describe her for you: Shelly looks like a normal teenage girl, with pretty chocolate colored eyes and a long black pony-tail. She's wearing jeans and a sweatshirt that says "Aquarium of the Pacific."

Welcome Shelly. Can you start by telling us the most common misconception about mermaids?

Sure! You know that story the Little Mermaid? Well it causes a lot of confusion because we don't go swimming around the ocean talking to fish and crabs and wearing seashell bras. Also, I want to point out that we can all walk around on land just fine. We use magical casings to turn our tails into legs and also to change our clothes so we fit in better. The only trouble with the casings is that we don't feel too well through them. One time I accidentally stuck a fork in my thigh and everybody was all like "hey, what'd you do that for?" and "doesn't that hurt?" Well no, it didn't but it sure attracted a lot of attention.

So what do you wear when you're under water?

Oh. Well, right now what's really big are those swim tops - you know like the spandex shirts? They're great underwater and they don't bug our tails.

Can you live on land permanently?

No. Well, sort of I guess. We have to fully submerge in water at least once every twenty-four hours or we dry up like a fish. (she crinkles her nose) Most of us have a real drive to be in the water though and we prefer salt-water. So like, I'm on the diving team for example.

Do you go all the way to the ocean then every night? Santa Clarita is pretty far inland.

No. We have a house too. Most of us do. With a HUGE pool of course. Salt-water system. It's bigger than the house. But most of my friends don't notice that they just think it's pretty cool and love to come over and go swimming. No sleep overs though unfortunately.

Tell me about your underwater home. Many people have asked about that.

Sure. The big city - the one you guys call Atlantis - is off shore around Santa Monica. Though there are smaller hamlets all over. We live in one near Ventura Beach. It exists under a huge magic bubble that masks it from being seen by Normals - no offense. And there are magical wards on it so humans just kind of miss it unless they're invited. Which is rare cuz mostly they get squished if they go down too far.

Someone asked why your stuff doesn't just float away.

(She laughs) That would be because our stuff is in the magic bubble. So there's air not water in there. We are half-human you know. Not 100 percent fish. So we like to walk around and stuff too. That's why we even bother with life up here. It's way too fun out of the water too. Oh and if there's something we want to bring up or down with us our own magic protects it, so it stays dry if it's with us unless we don't want it to.

Any famous mermaids you want to out?

That wouldn't be fair of me. Let me just say that any really great swimmers you should probably look twice at. So keep an eye on those Olympic games. I'm not naming anyone in particular but there was this one American guy - well, you can probably guess.

One last question Shelly. Do mermaids get along with all Supers?

That's like asking if you get along with everyone you meet. I mean overall we're pretty genial creatures I think. But I do have to say that I have very little patience for Goblins. Sorry it's just ew, I mean they're always drooling and they look like they need a shave. Also demons, they smell bad. Sure they can cover it with perfume and that works for Normals but most of the rest of us have an enhanced sense of smell, so yeah, sorry but they reek. Oh yeah and Nymphs because they're so stuck up. Just cuz they're all gorgeous, you know?

Wow, thanks so much for volunteering to come here and answer these questions for me! Best of luck in school Shelly. If anyone else wants me to pass along a question for Shelly or has a suggestion for another interview please feel free to comment. Until Monday then...